The Arduous Task of MarySue
by HathorCol
Summary: Mary-Sue is an often under-rated character. Now she has her say..


Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to lots of people who are very rich, and aren't me, such as New Line Cinema and Tolkien Enterprises. If they'd like to send me Lord of the Rings under the tree, please do! For now though, I'm just borrowing them. Yes, Legolas looked like that when I found him. Also! Mary-Sue does not belong to anyone, except maybe the fandom. Ha! We own her and TPTB don't! They'd have to ask us!! cackles manically Well, aren't the tables turned NOW!  
  
Authors Notes: Poor Mary-Sue. Now is the time when she gets HER say. yes, I like Mary-Sues. And I feel very sorry for the poor love. Well, it is Christmas! Ok, and I realise it's a little odd, and that it's not really a fic, and that it doesn't make too much sense, but it was fun to write, and got some of my rage out. Poor 'Sue!  
  
*/*/*/*/*/  
  
I am the most hated person in the entire Lord of the Rings fandom. You might be forgiven for thinking that I am an author, or perhaps my name is Arwen, or maybe Frodo. (A/N: Sorry! I can't stand him! Is it just me?) No. I have many names, but only one nickname, an odd combination perhaps.  
  
My name is Mary-Sue. And now I am going to tell MY tale.  
  
There are many different versions of me. Normally, I am a beautiful Elven princess, simple Hobbit lass, or sometimes I hail from Gondor, Rohan, maybe even Bree. More commonly, I am a normal girl from YOUR Earth. Because yes, I do consider myself a citizen of Middle-Earth. Considering I'm married to half the male members of the place, it's a small wonder! And as a rule, I'm quite beautiful, or at least striking, but with courage to match my beauty. I'm intelligent, can pick up languages easily, but one of my few downfalls is that I tend to faint at the click of a finger.  
  
None of this is my fault, you understand. The fact is, as a person, I'm quite nice once you get to know me. Ok, I seem to be well endowed in many departments, but that is hardly my fault, is it? I began as a manifestation of an author, and if they're going to inflict a perfect person on Middle- Earth, then I can hardly be blamed.  
  
Yet hate mail is directed towards me, sites inviting the 'Sue to die! Surely that is not fair? I swear on the sweet name of Eru that sometimes I could very easily cry over it. For sometimes I am sent on a GOOD adventure. Being the tenth member of Fellowship is one of my favourites, or sometimes something from one of the other tales of Tolkien. Yes, I enjoy that! And sometimes my tales are well written, by author's who care about me, and try and make me more than a cardboard cutout. After all, I am only as good a person as the author is willing to take time to make me. Yet alas, all too often I am summarised by my bad writers. Those who have me making mad passionate declarations of love within two pages, those who have me as completely fearless/wussy depending on their viewpoints, those who will not take the time to spell-check! I despise such tales, yet I must go where I am sent. Poor is the task of Mary-Sue!  
  
But WORSE than this are the people who make constant parodies of me. Sometimes such parodies are fun, but tales in which I am a common harlot, or where I DESPISE Lord of the Rings (yet still agree to go on the quest) are becoming more common. Often they are even more badly written than the bad writers! And off I go again on such a quest, as I am ordered.  
  
I can see why some people might not like me. Jealousy, perhaps, of when I get my man? Or elf, or dwarf, or hobbit, or even, and I shudder to say it, Maiar. For I am paired with all of these at times.  
  
I think it should be noted for the record that any author who has the audacity to pair me with a character such as Saruman, Gandalf, or even Sauron, should have their fingers removed to stop them from typing. I would gladly do the task myself, if you would but pass me the sword which I too often can wield with deadly results. Luckily, such tales are rare and often suppressed.  
  
Far more commonly, I am paired with a man, or an elf. I'll be the first to say that this is no hardship. I am female, and I do have eyes. Besides, as I have already stated, I am nothing but the author's interpretation of themselves through me, and so they wish to pair me with their chosen. But I do have opinions on such things, you know! And as I have to live out all potentials, this is what goes on to happen to me if all the realities are lived out to the end of our days. (Which, as you will see, are often short.)  
  
Aragorn- Alas, we do not live happily ever after. He pines for Arwen, for she is his true love. Eventually, after a tricky marriage, I am generally thrown out of Gondor, or am run through with a sword by a livid Arwen, Elrond, Elladan or Elrohir. I do not like such times with Aragorn. I only wish for all the Fellowship's happiness (truly!) and I do not wish to see him forlorn without his true beloved.  
  
Boromir- Two possibilities run here. Firstly, I have to go through the trauma and heartache of seeing him die. And if I heroically save him from himself, oh my! It's a terrible thing. The Ring sent him insane, you know. So even if for a time he appears well, he is not. As the tale ends, the Ring is clawing at his mind (yes, *I* realise the Ring is destroyed, but his damaged psyche does not) and he eventually dies while trying to attempt the exploration of Mordor to find it. And what of Faramir? And Denethor? Well, with his brother alive and well, Faramir is sent even farther abroad than originally expected, and dies a tragic death. So there's another needless waste. And if we actually make it through the War without his leadership, then Boromir, though a good man, is not nearly a good leader of Ithilien as his brother would be. And Boromir shares Denethor's fate, as they travel TOGETHER to Mordor. No, I do not like being paired with Boromir. And if you do, I beg of you to kill him. It's far less painful.  
  
Legolas- ah yes. This would seem idyllic. Often, it is, as Legolas has no other love, and does not die. But that can be a bad thing. He says he will give up his immortality- but alas, no. He simply said that to try and console me as I die and he does not. You understand, he CANNOT give up his immortality. The Valar do not grant him that gift, and as such, we die apart, never to be reunited in the second world. If I am granted immortality, or I am cast as an elf, then that is well and good. And whilst the marriage is a happy one, it should be remembered that it can go very, very badly wrong.  
  
Frodo- There is a reason why Frodo Baggins never married, you know. He is not suited for married life. Apart from anything else, so much time spent saving the world has made him a loner. Besides, he will never relinquish his love for Sam for some mere female. (A/N: Yes! I'm a slasher! What's your point?) No, to be paired with Frodo Baggins is a terrible thing. While for friendship, he can be a good conversationalist and a good friend; he is not suited for married life. Besides, he always ups and leaves me for the Undying Lands.  
  
These are my most common consorts. Of course, there are those that would see me in love with Faramir, Eomer, Haldir, or one of the twins, but such partnerships too are often doomed, whether it be through immortality, a mis- match of personality or plain and simple desire for another person.  
  
Even as I write this, there will be people writing me badly, with people I am not suited for, with a non-existent personality. So I beg of you, as you sit down to cast me in another tale, please remember what may happen if I am paired to someone for whom I am not meant, or if I am made to seem a shallow person once again. I have thoughts, I have feelings, and just for once, I'd like to see people treat me with respect.  
  
Besides, if I'm THAT annoying then why do people keep on sending me on quests and adventures?  
  
*/*/*/*  
  
Mary-Sue would like to thank Hathor who listened to her angry rages at the people who don't treat her like she deserves, sorted out her thoughts, and typed them up for her. Mary-Sue would also like to invite people to e-mail and review Hathor with their thoughts and feelings on this piece as well as her other stories. Namarie! 


End file.
